Mom says is a new feature on the blog where each week we will highlight the controversial parenting topics.
Tammi is 25 and does not want children. Read her views and reasoning below….
It’s easy, as a woman, to feel like your sole purpose on this earth is to birth new humans. Women are always portrayed as mothers, nurturers, care-takers. But some of us, like me, have absolutely no plans in creating our own mini-me in this or any other lifetime.
It’s not just because we don’t wish to put our bodies through 9 months of stretching and changing and swelling, mood swings and all the other wonderful pregnancy symptoms we hear about. Nor is it only because the thought of trying to push that tiny person out of my own body seems ludicrous.
As a teenager, these were my main reasons for not wanting a baby. I had friends who couldn’t wait to be moms, and I just kept thinking of the fact that that baby needs to come out of you eventually.
However, as I’ve gotten older, I can see the joy (if you want to call it that) in going through the pain to have this creature that you helped create. This tiny little thing that is part you and part the person that you (hopefully) want to spend the rest of your life with. I understand how comforting the thought of having children to look after you when you are old can be. I see the attraction in having a family unit that’s all yours. I get it.
None of that can change my mind, though. I still don’t feel the need to have my own babies. At only 25 years old, I can’t say for sure that I’ll never ever want to be a mother, but I can say that if I have a child one day, it won’t be one that grows inside of me. There are enough children born who need homes.
When I tell people this, some laugh and say I’ll change my mind. Others are really shocked, acting like my not wanting children is taboo. It seems hard for most people, mainly other women, to understand why our generation wouldn’t want to reproduce, continue the bloodlines and such. I, luckily, have an explanation that should clear things right up.
First, our earth is in dire trouble. We have too many people and not enough space or resources. We are so full that they need to start another world on Mars. Global warming, droughts, waste management. These problems are only aggravated with each new life brought into this world.
Then, you have to think about the person you are creating. Think about life as we know it right now. The violence going on, the suffering being felt by us all. With our “leaders” more lost than we are, I really worry about the future of our race. As in the human race, because lately everyone seems to forget that race means more than just your skin colour.
With the rise of social media, it is clear how much anger, hate and frustration is around and inside us. Everyday there is a new label, a new discrimination, a new level of social acceptance that needs to be reached. We are not even at peace with ourselves, so how can we expect to be at peace with each other. All of this is not the kind of life that I would want to bring a child into. In the interest of my unborn children I have decided to allow them to be safe from this world of murder, corruption and war. There is so much beauty to be seen and felt on Earth, but by the time any offspring of mine are old enough to enjoy that beauty, I fear that our generation and the generations before us would have all but wiped it out.
And if none of that explains well enough why I wish to remain child-free, here’s my ultimate, selfish reason. I just don’t want to! Once you get to adulthood, there’s a very small window in between when you are having fun on your own terms and when you are old enough to become a parent and your life belongs to a miniature rug rat. I don’t want to spend my nights feeding crying babies and my days changing dirty nappies. I want to sleep in and be able to binge-watch a series that isn’t animated, without anyone needing me.
It’s also expensive to have a child. As soon as they grow out of nappies, they need school stuff. And then as teenagers they eat a crap load. Then it’s studying further. By the time I have spare money to travel and enjoy it, I’ll be in my 50s. No thanks.
Not everybody needs to procreate. Some of us absolutely shouldn’t! The rest of us can just be the cool aunts and uncles and enjoy the nice bits of child-caring while leaving the tantrums and bills to the parents.