Somewhere during the course of last week I agreed to let Dbear and the gf babysit bear this Friday.
It seemed like a good idea.
I mean Dbear is 22, responsible and awesome with little ones. The gf is amazing with bear and he loves her. The bonus being that Kiki and Monkey were here to help if there was a problem.
So , in reality , I’d actually arranged 4 sitters for bear.
Date night set.
Round about Wednesday ,Papa started asking what I wanted to do for date night? This was also round about the same time the butterflies moved into my stomach and my nerves began to get the better of me.
What happened if bear cried, or wouldn’t go to sleep? What happened if he needed us or got hurt or …. (and here you can honestly just fill in with words that sound like mommy guilt and paranoia)
I wasn’t sure it was such a great idea and didn’t give too much more thought to it.
Until papa booked the movie tickets!
Now there was no going back. Sneaky man , books the tickets online so I couldn’t back out of this .😉
Dbear and gf arrived just as papa bear pulled up with the other bears. I was half ready , dreanched in mommy guilt and secretly wondering how to get out of this.
Before I knew it Dbear was cooking, the bears were settling and bear was eating his supper from gf.
Guess I had no choice but to get ready.
As I pasted on a quick face and brushed my hair i started to feel human. Less mommy bun harassed and my anxiety was quickly replaced with an excitement.
I love dressing up and haven’t had too much time to do that lately.
I also love spending time with papa . This would be our first few hours alone in 9 months.
The nagging mommy guilt brought me right back to the reality that for a few hours of quality time with papa I was about to abandon my poor bear into the land of the unknown.
As we closed the door and headed to the car, I realised I was just being paranoid. Bear was surrounded by 4 responsible people who love and adore him.
I resolved to focus all my attention on papa. After all with a demanding toddler in the house it’s easy to forget each other.
It was strange not having to check bear was in the car seat correctly before starting the car.
But within seconds I’d relaxed enough to thoroughly start enjoying the evening.
Our date night was nothing extrodinary in the eyes of many…but for me it was perfect.
An evening alone to connect with the man I love. Sushi and a movie.
Papa even pulled out my chair and we held hands , something we don’t often get to do now as our arms are usually full of baby paraphernalia.
I tried not to overthink the unimaginable and stopped myself 300 times from reaching for my phone and checking all was OK at home.
I had my first meal in 9 months not having to gulp it down because my attention was needed . I came away from the meal without the stains of a self feeding toddler. And I sat through an entire movie without interruption ….it was wonderful.
Truthfully I was sorry the night ended so soon (four hours later) and we walked to the car imagining the chaos our home was in, certain bear would be awake.
But it was even more amazing to come home to a clean home, sleeping bear and 3 bears and the gf cuddled up on my bed.
What did I learn ?
I learnt that in every relationship you need to focus on each other. Papa and I love our time as a family but we need that time alone to reconnect as to why we fell in love with each other to start with. Putting each other first is just as vital as raising bear.
I learnt that bear will survive a few hours without me. That others are capable of looking after him and that I need to let go a little and trust those around him who love him.
I learnt that mommy guilt will rob you of enjoying the moments without your children if you let it.
I learnt that I raised responsible , loving, capable bears .
I learnt that I can survive bear being babysit!