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Choose the children first always

And finally the day has arrived …  6 weeks ago after Bear got incredibly sick I realised my first priority was to him. After 2 weeks of me hardly being at work , I knew how unreliable this made me.

Honestly, if I’d worked in an office I may have tried to exhaust my leave , but as a preschool teacher my toddlers require my time , attention and ability to be in their life on a stable daily basis.

So does Bear. He not only requires but deserves to have my time ,attention and the knowledge that if he needs me I am there.
After discussing with Papa bear I resigned.

It’s been a long 6 weeks of bear being sick and me haphazardly attending class in between. 

Tossing between mommy guilt and classroom obligations dont do much for the heart strings either.

So it was with a bitter sweet joy I started my day. I vowed I wouldn’t cry. I threw myself into new renditions of old favourite nursery rhymes and dedicated myself to building that one last lego tower with this group of children whom I’ve spent many hours getting to know over the last few months.

Each one received a little note tucked into their bags onto which I wrote

It’s bean great to be your teacher!

I taped a small bath bean to each note so that tonight in the bath each one of my special kiddos will receive an animal sponge.

I wrote my thank you’s to management and fellow staff on our Face book group, Thanking them for a year of service and wonderful memories with my classes. . And I choked back the sobs as parents reminded me it was my last day.

Whilst I didn’t expect anything, I also thought management may wish me well and say goodbye .

I’m shocked to see that even though I was courteous enough to give 6 weeks notice for them to find new staff , that I loyally worked for them and took time to thank them , not one person from management said a good bye. 
My guilt left very quickly as I hobbled my way through the Autum drizzle with my beautiful roses from a pupil. I said my goodbyes to those whom I’ve been very fortunate to come to know and worked with and as I looked towards my classroom the soft words of reminder echoed through my mind ….

If ever you must choose, choose the children first always.  

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Tired mamma cuddles

I am writing this with Bear lying on my chest trying to breathe after his night feed. His head elevated and me almost sitting up straight until the phlegm passes and he can breathe unobstructed. 

I have hardly slept since last Thursday. I am beyond exhausted.I have to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for my class of toddlers tomorrow  …. and yet, nothing could keep me from holding him until he is OK. 

In the silence of the early morning hours as I listen to his breathing and feel the protective arms of papa bear next to us …it’s hard not to get a dose of mamma nostalgia.

I reflect on how our lives have changed in the last 6 months. How one little being has the ability to make us re-evaluate all that is important.

Mostly I think how lucky we are, how blessed to have this beautiful happy little boy engulf our days. 

We get to share his giggles and laughter. 

 We get to watch him grow and discover a  world of new experiences.

 We get to protect and love our perfect little human.

Our world has stopped selfishly revolving around ourselves as we instinctively place Bears needs above all else.

And in the quiet , early hours as the universe still sleeps I get to hold my little bear and cuddle him close.

 These moments will pass all too quick.

Enjoy the cuddles mamma. Through the tears , through the exhaustion …. enjoy the cuddles. šŸ’•šŸ’•